Thursday, May 9, 2013

What Can Be Learned From The Travis Alexander Tragedy

I have not missed a day since this trial began in January. It’s fair to say that I have been "all in" emotionally in the outcome of this trial.

The Casey Anthony trial outcome broke my heart. I prepared myself for the worst and prayed for the best, but my Faith and intuition told me the outcome would be exactly right.

After all, it seemed God has his hands all over this case, with the crime scene photos, which were some of the most important pieces of evidence to prove that she did it.

What are the odds that such an occurrence could take place?

The only possible reason this could have even happened, given the camera that snapped the pictures, is if she took the pictures of Travis as he was waking up and unaware, then once he was in the shower, she set the timer and snapped her now famous spread eagle shot that Travis supposedly took after they had sex.

If she took  that picture, as I believe she well might have, that means the camera was still on “auto” and therefore when the camera dropped, it easily snapped a picture.

Without being on a timer, the camera would have to be prompted to take those incriminating pictures of Jodi dragging a dead Travis back to the shower stall. It was either that scenario, or a miracle. I believe in miracles, so I’ll just leave it at that.

This verdict will not bring Travis Alexander back, but it will help the family heal. What it does, is strike from the record any truth to the lies and shame this girl tried to put on the memory of her victim in that courtroom to save her own skin.

Not for a moment did she ever consider the unbearable, intolerable pain she was heaping on his family.

Jodi Arias is a very sick woman. She is a narcissist. I don’t believe she ever considered that she would be found guilty, as she indicated on her now famous "no jury will ever convict me" speech in her first televised interview after being arrested. 

She believed that statement with all of her little black heart, and I think she believed it all the way to the verdict. She couldn’t cry after the verdict, not because she is stoic, but because she was in shock, much like one might feel if they witnesses an accident so horrible they can’t look away because their brain can’t process a scenario they never imagined happening.

The pundits on HLN News have said that Jodi Arias shows signs of the following personality disorders:

Jodi Arias is a sociopath (a person without conscience)
Jodi Arias is a borderline personality
Jodi Arias is a psychopath
Jodi Arias is a narcissist
Jodi Arias is a pathological liar

Do yourself a favor, and Google every one of the above references. Do your LIFE 101 homework. The only way to escape an emotional vampire is to know what one looks like, moves like, and makes you feel like before you are in too far.

Take it from Travis Alexander.

It is said that one in every 25 people has a dangerous personality disorder. That’s a high number. It is imperative that people learn how to read the signs of a dangerous personality. It could save your life personally, and professionally.

When considering friends, employees, relationships, partners of any kind, please learn to listen with all of your senses. Listen with your eyes and not your heart. Listen with your gut, your greatest gift of intuition, not your heart. Your heart will lie to you, your gut will not. When in doubt, don’t believe the words, believe the behavior.

Believe your uncomfortability (I made that word up but I love it). 

The first time you feel a pang of discomfort in someone’s presence, LISTEN to it. Maybe it’s something they say, maybe it’s something they do, maybe it’s just a moment, but just listen to it.

Hear it.

Allow yourself to feel it. That’s your intuition telling you to beware. Don’t be so lonely that you will accept anything less than being treated respectfully.

When someone says it’s over, thank them for being honest and walk away.

When someone makes you feel bad about yourself, when it’s over for you, remember that you don’t owe anyone with unacceptable behavior anything but a view of you leaving the room.

If possible, end it by phone. End it safely, or with family members present, just end it.

Here are warning signs of a dangerous personality.

When you meet someone and they engage you to talk about yourself more than they are talking about themselves, watch out.

LISTEN to everything they say. People love to tell us who they are and we are so busy being put under their spell, we don’t listen to what they are subconsciously telling us. Pay attention to how they treat the waitress, and other service people.

Normal people don’t move too fast. If someone is moving fast, if they are sweeping you off your feet, and where does that leave you? On your butt. Save yourself, it’s not romance, it’s someone who has something to hide and wants to emotionally ensnare you quickly before you see who they really are.

If someone is trying to spend so much time with you that your friends and family feel neglected. Dangerous personalities always try to quietly separate you from your life in the guise of "just wanting to be with you," don’t buy it.

Friends and family don’t like them. LISTEN to this. Consider that they have no emotional investment and have an unbiased perspective. Travis’ friends did not like Jodi Arias from the get-go. They saw things he could not because he was in a P trance.  She knew how to put him in a spell…

If you try to end it and they don’t let you, or they make you break up with them over and over, get out, change your number, call in the family and friends. No more face to face meetings. It’s OVER. Say it, and mean it.

When expressing to someone your needs, and they don’t honor them, whether it be alone time, time with friends, a day at the spa, a vacation with friends, etc. that is a sign that they do not respect your individuality or your needs and want to control you.

Be careful of rapport building tactics. When someone enters your space, shares how much they immediately have in common with you, always says "I know exactly what you mean," or over compliments you, beware. Normal people want to discover you, like slowly unwrapping a beautiful package. Slow down, where’s the eff-ing fire?

A serious potential mate who is normal should express interest in meeting your family within a few weeks of meeting you.

If you are with someone and you feel trapped or like you are going crazy, get out, plan your escape if you have to. As Nike says, just do it.

If you are with someone who threatens suicide, just know that you are being emotionally blackmailed. It’s a form of manipulation to get you to be somewhere you don’t want to be with someone you don’t want to be with. Plan your escape and get help and support by any means possible.

Dangerous personalities are very charming. If you find yourself being charmed, take a mental break, do it immediately and quickly turn on your spidey senses.

If someone you just met talks badly about their former spouses and relationships and as part of their life story does not accept responsibility, watch out. They perceive themselves as victims and believes everything is someone else’s fault, and hey, won’t that be fun!

Beware if someone wants to have sex with you without an appropriate courtship and commitment. Once you cross that vaginal line, the game changes and you don’t want to regret it.

Implement my 48 hour rule. You must have 48 hours of TALK time.

Not on the phone, not at a party, not at a movie, none of that.   I’m talking face-to-face, pure talk time. If kissing commences, stop the clock, it doesn’t count. You must have 48 hours of pure talk time. Done right, not having sleepovers with them, this can take weeks and that is the whole point. Because if after 48 hours of talk time you still want to move forward in an intimate fashion (which you probably will not want to), then you’ll have a better head on your shoulders to make that decision.

Best. Rule. Ever.

Simply by educating yourself, and learning to recognize the behavior patterns of others as well as your own, you can create an incredible life.

Stop wasting your precious time.

For far more information on this and other helpful tips on leaving or avoiding dangerous relationships, personalities and accepting personal responsibility, check out my book "The 30 Day Heartbreak Cure" (Simon & Schuster)


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Sunday, March 3, 2013

You were born to do great things

"Remain Calm"

What they tell you when the ship is sinking. Can't get into the life raft if you're in a panic.

Recently I got the flu and with it came the blues. I am generally a very happy person, I wake up with gratitude for simply being alive and having everything working.

I know that when we don't feel well, it changes everything in our body and mind, and then all that affects our spirit. Add to that the medications and lack of sleep from being in pain all night, and it's no wonder that the blues quickly start to feel a bit like depression. Anything else that might be happening in life that's hard looks and seems even harder. You wonder if things are ever going to get better. Our health magnifies our emotions, ten fold.

Although I don't like the way I feel when I feel like this, I am also grateful for it, because it gives me compassion towards people who often don't feel well, or people who are going through a breakup or divorce, people who are lonely, just lost someone to death, or looking for employment. These are real things and cause real feelings that need to be tended too.

For me, I know if I could just lock myself in a room and sleep and not have to deal with anything or anyone would be the best medicine, but with a family and business, it's not likely, so I just have to adjust my thinking and perception about the situation and do the best I can with what is. In my wisdom and life experience, I know that this too shall pass, and dear friends, if you are enduring some tough times, this too shall pass for you as well.

Over the years, there are pastors that have made such a difference in my life, and one of them is Reverend Robert Schuller who says, "Tough times never last but tough people do." 

And by referencing tough people, I don't think he meant mean or hardened. I believe he meant people who choose not to lay down and die of fear and sadness, but to rise above the situation by calmly thinking and praying through to a plan, and implementing it, to get to the other side. When we were little, our parents might have helped us through things, but as adults we have to figure out our solutions and that takes a calm mind. For every love I lost, for every hurt I endured, for every job I didn't get, or job I loved and lost, I curled up on the floor and had a good cry, prayed on my face, and then figured out what I was going to do about it. Low and behold, in time, I believed and worked my way into a better life.

I recently went to hear Joel Osteen speak in Las Vegas on the "Night of Hope" tour which, by the way, was in a stadium that holds 15,000 people and every single seat was full.

One of his messages was… "You cannot talk defeat and expect to have victory! You cannot talk lack and expect to have abundance. You will produce what you say. If you want to know what you will be like five years from now, just listen to what you are saying about yourself."

Recently, there was something written regarding Billy Graham (my personal hero) that just blew my mind wide open, so I will include it here.

In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina, invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, now 90 years old, to a luncheon in his honor.

Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he struggles with Parkinson's disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, "We don't expect a major address. Just come and let us honor you." So he agreed…

After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, "I'm reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century. Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of every passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his trouser pockets. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat beside him. He still couldn't find it.

The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.'

Einstein nodded appreciatively. The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.

The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry, I know who you are, no problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'

Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too, know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.'"

Having said that Billy Graham continued, "See the suit I'm wearing? It's a brand new suit. My children, and my grandchildren are telling me I've gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion. You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I'll be buried. But when you hear I'm dead, I don't want you to immediately remember the suit I'm wearing.

I want you to remember this: I not only know who I am… I also know where I'm going."

'Life without God is like an unsharpened pencil - it has no point.'

Wonderful, right? Really makes you feel.

If you are hurting, if you are sad, if you are disappointed about something, if you are scared, if you are frustrated… I am here to remind you that you are a child of the most High God, and that makes you a princess, or a prince. HE has given you the gift of a good and great mind to figure things out. Remain calm.  You are loved. You have always been loved. You are loved, and you will always be loved. You are well able to see your way through anything.

When you think about it, you already have. Think about the many things you have survived to get to where you are right now, from infancy to adulthood. Some of you have horror stories, some, just incredible stories of beating the odds, others, nothing quite so dramatic but challenging nonetheless… but here you are and you made it.

You were born to do great things, whatever that means to you. Have a dream, some hope, some Faith, and a plan, and you will find your way back to your light. You are the great I AM.

You have faced mountains before and with your Faith, hope, and hard work, you have moved them.

You will move them again. Just say it… "Mountain, MOVE!"

And so it is written, and so it is done.

God Bless you right down to your toes.

Love always,

Monday, February 18, 2013

Get Excited About Your Life

Happy February, Girls!

I am an information freak… I love to learn, which is funny because when I was young and in school, I wasn't nearly as good a student as I am now.

I remember when I went back to school in my 40's, I was a little worried because truth be told, I wasn't an exceptional student in high school in any way, shape or form.

I was also a drama nerd (which at our high school put you a notch above the ROTC). I was not a cheerleader, let alone the cheerleader, in fact I was a bit of an outcast because I was so, um… different. I couldn't wait to graduate so I could get out of dodge and get on with my life as I saw it in my dreams.

Fast forward, when I went back to school to learn everything I could about the mind, how it works, why we do the things we do, and how to assist people to make effective and worthwhile changes so they can get on with their dreams. I wondered if it would be easier or more difficult to be a student. I just learned how to perform The Virtual Lap Band, and I am so excited to help people lose weight without dieting or surgery, just by changing their mind. Every year, I make it my business learn a new technique in hypnosis, which is nothing more than mind and emotional management, and who can't use that?

Anyway, I was worried about what kind of student I'd be, but, because I was studying what I wanted, and something that fascinated me, it turned out that I was a fantastic student! In fact I am still a student.

Of life, of love, of getting on with it and being happy.

But we all are, aren't we? Isn't life like school? We are here to learn something every single day. Learning to laugh at ourselves, learning to let go of the things we have zero control over, learning to be a better friend (to ourselves and to others), a better sister, a better mother, a better wife, learning is forever, and so make it easier on yourself by being in a classroom that fascinates you every day.

If you have kids that get excited over something that you just really don't get… be excited with them anyway.

I promise, if it is exciting them, it is going to be something they excel at and success will come.The same is true for us. When we are excited about something, we don't get tired, we get energized by our work. When we are made to do something that we don't really have a passion for, we don't slide into home plate with gusto, we drag ourselves through each day until the whistle blows.

I want you to get excited about your life.

I don't care if you are 20 or if you are 80, there is never a moment that you can't turn your life into something different and that you want it to become.

Never accept others limitations on you. You are a one and only, there is not another, and never will be. You are a daughter of the most high God, his Princess… and you shall treat yourself as such. You matter. When you come to believe this truest truth, your self-worth will soar. I promise. You are unstoppable, unlimited, and worth everything.

So when it comes to any kind of goal, if you get scared, feel the fear and do it anyway. You'll be shocked at how good it feels to know who is really in charge.

The Body/Mind/Spirit connection is so powerful, because it can't be beat.

How you interpret your place in the world through your mind is everything.

I believe in you, won't you join me?

Love For Sure,
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